Amusing spam headlines

Push your banger inside lady

And, most seasonally, given that it's now very definitely spring:
Winter Wonderland - SAVE AN EXTRA 20%!

ETA: and I had to add this one:

While others are boasting of their Sax adventures, practice it!

It is true that prowess at the saxophone or any other instrument is indeed mostly a matter of practice.   I also appreciated the name and email address of the sender: "Lance Pagan"  : <ambiguity95@trustingodamerica.com>

Deliveries

I like our postman but I am a bit disturbed that he has just left £150 quidsworth of potentially-lethal dog medications in our porch, in a packet clearly marked 'signed for'  without actually requesting a signature.  I was sitting right by the window, he must have seen me!  

Luckily my hounds don't generally eat post and I spotted and moved it before they got a chance anyway, but I'm pretty sure that houndy interception of that many palatable painkillers could have ended very badly.