bunn: (George Smiley)
[personal profile] bunn
I think I'm with Paula Radcliffe on this one.  An extra £41 million on razzmatazz for - not even a sporting event, just the introduction to a sporting event -  seems a bit pointless.    And really, not very British either.  I mean, OK, the Chinese had fireworks.  But they invented fireworks.  They're entitled.   Fireworks may be fun, but when it comes down to it, it's just a really loud way to burn money. 

Surely a more typically British way of doing things would be to halve the budget and then somehow manage to muddle through with something that to everyone's surprise actually kind of works. 

Things I think would be cheap and should feature in a truly British opening ceremony. 

1) rain & mud
2) people talking loudly about the weather, and how there's no really bad sorts, only the wrong clothes (I suspect this is a less popular view in tornado & drought-ravaged countries) 
3) tea, scones, beer and chicken tikka masala
4) randomised bureaucracy  - maybe there would be pre-emptive feedback forms or something that the audience would have to wave in a synchronised manner. 
5) music
6) the sea
7) whinging, sarcasm and comments that appear polite but have a dark inner meaning.
8) The class system
9) Britain in Bloom (an organisation which brings together most of 1-8) 

How could this fail to be an opening ceremony discussed with excitement, confusion, suspicion and delighted disappointment for 999 days to come?

Date: 2011-12-07 04:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inamac.livejournal.com
Someone on the radio this morning suggested that all that is necessary is ten minutes of morris dancing and then bring on the athletes.

Sounds good to me.

Date: 2011-12-07 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philmophlegm.livejournal.com
I've often thought that when England play New Zealand at rugby, that the English team should respond to that ridiculous prancing and tongue-waggling that the All Blacks go in for by performing some morris dancing.

The Scottish team meanwhile could go up to them and give each one a Glasgow Kiss...

Date: 2011-12-07 08:11 pm (UTC)
ext_189645: (Default)
From: [identity profile] bunn.livejournal.com
I have amended point 3 above to include beer. I reckon if we stumped up to provide sufficient free 3) we could probably lure enough morris dancers, bagpipists, and Welsh choirs that we'd probably need people to come with wheelbarrows to take them away at the end.

Date: 2011-12-07 08:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inamac.livejournal.com
Indeed. Traditional British sporting events like wheelbarrow racing, welly wanging and three-legged races are scandalously missing from the Olympic agenda.

Date: 2011-12-08 08:17 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyofastolat.livejournal.com
The Morris dancers won't even need beer; we've been campaigning for years to get Morris dancing featured in the opening ceremony.

I think the WI should do all the Olympic catering.

Also, it should feature some of those traditional British sports that for some reason have been excluded from the contest itself: cheese rolling, knobbly knees contest etc etc.

Date: 2011-12-08 11:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philmophlegm.livejournal.com
You seem to be missing representatives from Ulster. Drummers? More pipers?

Date: 2011-12-07 07:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] seasight.livejournal.com
*is dead*

Date: 2011-12-07 07:41 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philmophlegm.livejournal.com
I think it should be a hard rock concert. A truly British art form.

Date: 2011-12-07 10:39 pm (UTC)
chainmailmaiden: (Iron Maiden)
From: [personal profile] chainmailmaiden
\M/ MAIDEN! \M/

Date: 2011-12-08 08:38 am (UTC)
ext_189645: (Default)
From: [identity profile] bunn.livejournal.com
There's something magnificently Spinal Tap about the vision of massed morris dancers, bagpipers and Welsh choirs all headbanging madly to Iron Maiden.

It would be undeniably British. And I'm sure it wouldnt' cost £81million!

Date: 2011-12-08 08:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ladyofastolat.livejournal.com
At Summerfest, several FnH-ers, upon hearing that I was married to Pellinor, said in awed/horrified tones, "Did you know that he once Morris danced at a heavy metal club?" I don't think there were any bagpipers or Welsh choirs, but we're half way there. I don't expect he'll charge much, either.

Date: 2011-12-07 08:43 pm (UTC)
gramarye1971: a lone figure in silhouette against a blaze of white light (YM-Animated)
From: [personal profile] gramarye1971
4) randomised bureaucracy - maybe there would be pre-emptive feedback forms or something that the audience would have to wave in a synchronised manner.

Bring out the rhythm gymnastics athletes to perform a routine with red tape?

Date: 2011-12-07 08:52 pm (UTC)
ext_189645: (Logres)
From: [identity profile] bunn.livejournal.com
Possibly this segment could also feature queuing.

Date: 2011-12-07 10:38 pm (UTC)
chainmailmaiden: (Mail)
From: [personal profile] chainmailmaiden
Oh yes, there would have to be queuing. Then we could also add talking about how only the British know how to queue properly... :-D

Date: 2011-12-08 11:30 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] philmophlegm.livejournal.com
Nice userpic!

Date: 2011-12-08 03:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inzilbeth-liz.livejournal.com
Hear, hear! I've been hoping for something uniquely British in a quirky sort of way rather than trying to out Chinese the Chinese. All of the above should feature but also included should be our one trump card - the newly wed Royals, although doing what, I haven't decided!
Edited Date: 2011-12-08 03:20 pm (UTC)

Date: 2011-12-08 03:30 pm (UTC)
ext_189645: (Default)
From: [identity profile] bunn.livejournal.com
I favour them featuring in sort of updated reinactment of this : http://www.epicure.demon.co.uk/3men.html

Possibly appearing with a D-list Celebriteee and Lord Sugar.

Date: 2011-12-08 08:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] inzilbeth-liz.livejournal.com
Complete with pinstripes and bowlers!

Date: 2011-12-08 07:14 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] helflaed.livejournal.com
Draft in cold bored primary school children, either in unifotrm of outfits made of tinfoil and crepe paper.

Date: 2011-12-15 08:35 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] endlessrarities.livejournal.com
Nice! I like it!!

And I'm with you on the fireworks...

Date: 2011-12-30 01:43 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] demon-rum.livejournal.com
i am so beyond late to this party that it's not even funny. I would just like to say, as protest, that I feel the timing of the Olympics is very poor, given as I will also be in England then and will not appreciate the extra crowds. It would nice if they would kick it back a couple of months or so.

also yes to tea and Tikka Masala. The British gifts to the world. I do hope there's some left when I get there...

Date: 2011-12-30 09:19 am (UTC)
ext_189645: (Default)
From: [identity profile] bunn.livejournal.com
*ponders concept of there being a limited quantity of tea and chicken Tikka Masala*

*rejects*

:-D

You will just have to flee the Loathesome Wen as fast as possible and go somewhere nice instead. :-D

Date: 2011-12-30 04:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] demon-rum.livejournal.com
in this case, nice = Glasgow. Huh. And walking! I figure if we walk Hadrian's Wall and tour some Lochs or something, that should keep us well away from the excitement of gymnastics :D

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