I love spam...

[bunn]

I know it's a pain, but how can I hate it?

Today brought the tantalising news headline: "God Denies Talking to Pat" About what? And who is the reporter who thought he might have been and contacted the press office for a comment?

I also received the stark warning: "Earnings: profit falls": a tale of woe in three words. And a truly irresistable invitation, albeit couched in rather over-familiar language: "Hey chum, be Michaelangelo"

And who would not wish to attend the event: "Ragu badgers football" - presumably a sporting event in which our largest mustelids play ball in a field covered in unappetising pasta sauce. Or possibly the Badger Football is sponsored by the sauce-makers?

If I had no other form of entertainment at all, I think I could keep busy for years writing spam-inspired short stories. All the world is there.

Comments

[chainmailmaiden]

"God Denies Talking to Pat"

If it was Pat who used to work for me I can see why he would deny it, she was mad.

"Ragu badgers football"

Alternatively it could be a very aggressive jar of sauce harassing an innocent football...

[bunn.livejournal.com]

*chortle*

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

Going through children's comments forms submitted during a consultation exercise, I find one that merely says "Postman Pat for President."

Clearly, Postman Pat is running a campaign to displace George W Bush in the next election. In an attempt to win over the Bible Belt, he claimed that God spoke to him. However, one of Bush's aides claims to have phoned up the Press Office of the Heavenly Host, where he spoke to Gabriel (editor of the Annunciation, the official newspaper of Heaven) who roundly denied Pat's claims.

You see, what Pat doesn't know is that George W Bush writes all spam. (The badger ragu thing is, in his mind, a startlingly insightful comment on the Human Condition.) The Bush camp thus wasted no time in getting the message about Pat's false claim out to all the thinking people in the world in the only way they could - i.e through spam.

Nothing daunted, Pat is now trying to reach the electorate through other means. Jess, the black and white cat, is planting subliminal messages in cat food adverts, to harness the hitherto unexplored phenomenon of feline pester power. He has also planted suggestions in children's TV programmes, hence the message I received on my library comments form. The poor child wanted to write "get more Harry Potter books", but the subliminal message thing worked on their brains, and zombie-like, they found themselves writing what they did.

Because Postman Pat is evil, evil I say! He must be stopped!

[bunn.livejournal.com]

ROFL

[helflaed.livejournal.com]

Agreed. He is, in fact, a closet neo-nazi. We have a bottle of bubblebath which quite clearly shows him making the nazi salute.

He should be banned.

[jane-somebody.livejournal.com]

Now, I'm not saying you're predictable, but I did click on "read comments" in happy anticipation of a LadyofAstolat spam-based short story ;-)

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

I imagine Pat is Pat Robertson, an American christian television presenter, conspiracy theorist and politician. Sort of like Harry Secombe on acid, with more money (lots more money).

[philmophlegm.livejournal.com]

I've never come across ragu badgers football, but this link will take you to wisconsin badgers football:

http://www.uwbadgers.com/