News from the Hill

[bunn]

We went back to search for the relic of the Eyeless Rabbit, but it wasn't there. I imagine someone else must have picked it up or trodden on it.

However, while we were looking someone told us that their dog had been attacked by a badger in broad daylight in that area the previous day.

If we were all in a novel, someone reading this blog would have the missing fact that would allow all these unconnected facts to come together into one superb conspiracy theory.

One more unconnected fact: the small park in Gunnislake is inhabited at 9am on a Wednesday almost entirely by trim ladies who despite being apparently in their 40's & 50's, expose their enviably excellent legs through the wearing of extremely short shorts. They all have labradors.

Comments

[skordh.livejournal.com]

The culprit is the dog. It has discovered the Holy Grail buried beneath Kit Hill. The Grail is an alien device of almost unlimited power (cf. miracles, King Arthur, faces on Mars etc...) and the dog has started to master its power, using it to create a species of eyeless rabbits (can't see it coming) and to hypnotise the most biteable people to bare their legs. The only person to cotton on to the dog's evil scheme has been turned into a badger.

[bunn.livejournal.com]

I feel I need to go and find the badger and get his story now...

[ladyofastolat.livejournal.com]

The key word here is "apparently." You say that they are "apparently" in their 40s and 50s, but it would be more accurate to say that they are only "apparently" ladies. They are, in fact, seven-legged aliens who have assumed human form. If it wasn't for the fact that their disguise is a little too good and too uniform, none would have discerned their true identity.

The reason they are here? They are disciples of the Great God Khit'l, who announced many aeons ago that he was going to "take a little nap", and has been sleeping ever since, none knew where. After millennia studying the stars and doing strange things with the entrails of goats, the wisest prophets discovered a place on a distant and insignificant planet, called by its ignorant natives "Kit Hill."

Surely this was the place - the place they had sought for all these endless years! The proof was soon found. Nearby, there lived, not the callow farm boy, ignorant of his true parentage, that they had initially sought, but a fluffy cat, dismissed by all as "soppy" and "stupid." His name: Kjetil! Yes! The name said it all. This was the mortal vessel into which Khit'l would be reborn!

A crack team of zealots are working ceaselessly to be ready for the Awakening, by conducting daily rituals in Gunnislake every morning, in their human disguise. Thanks to their efforts, the time of awakening is now very soon. Already, badgers have turned into monsters, and rabbits have lived without eyes. Sheep have appeared where no sheep should be, for the barriers between worlds are falling down.

What stands between us, and the Reign of Khil'l? Only dogs, mortal enemies of the form that the god has chosen for his vessel. The Elite Labrador Assault Team was dispatched, but enslaved en masse, and are paraded in chains every morning by their conquerors. But one agent remains, code-name Molly. Every day, heroically, she eats the Raspberries of Doom, which, if consumed by the god's mortal vessel, would greatly increase its power...

The world trembles on the edge of a cosmic battleground. Can we poor mortals survive this clash of the gods?

[bunn.livejournal.com]

Now we have two theories! Excellent!

[bunn.livejournal.com]

also, I have to admit I actually wept with laughter at this one...

[chainmailmaiden]

Me too!